The Leavers Dance
by ceci.chun
Summary: On Emily's wedding day, Leah makes an ultimate decision and confronts all her fears. Sam makes his choice and nothing will ever be the same.


I stared longingly at Emily's wedding dress. She looked stunning adorned in the pale brown dress fringed with a multitude of dusty blue beads. Her cheeks glowed with happiness and her eyes sparkled with excitement. The scars on her face faded in the radiance of her joy. My face stood in stark contrast. My face was a mask of bitterness and sadness. I tugged uncomfortably at my bridesmaid dress. As I bent down to fix my shoe, I caught my reflection in the mirror. The girl that stared back wasn't someone that I recognized. Excusing myself, I rushed out of the room. I ran down the hall and outside to the cold air. The sky was cloudy but no rain was falling. The sky was holding in her tears for today. I sat on the edge of the porch and took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and wished that everything could be different.

"_Lee-Lee"_

_I looked up and my face broke into a wide smile as Sam picked me up and spun me around. As he settled me back down, I buried my face into his chest, breathing him in. I felt his breath over my head and I couldn't help but smile again. I looked up at him as I twined my fingers with his. We started to walk towards the school In a companionable silence. He grabbed my book bag with his spare hand._

"_Sorry for making you wait so long this morning, my mom needed the car," he apologized profusely._

"_It's okay," I assured him with a quick smile, "I wasn't here long. Seth overslept," I said with a small laugh as I tiptoed to brush a soft kiss on his cheek. We arrived at class and I took my customary seat in front of Sam. He put his hand on my shoulder and I felt my body shiver as i though about how important Sam was to me. I couldn't imagine my life without him._

"_I love you," he whispered quietly in my ear just as class started. I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day._

_School flew by and it wasn't long before Sam and I were snuggled together in the crook of our favourite tree. He stroked my hair lazily as I prattled on about mundane everyday things. He silenced me gently with a kiss when my voice started to go hoarse from all my idle prattle. I lay there with him and we let the sounds of the forest envelope us. I closed my eyes, revelling in the serenity of the moment. The fragile perfection of our peace. I let out a happy little sigh and Sam's booming laughter replied, breaking the silence._

"_What?" I protested._

"_I love you so much, my adorable, perfect Lee-Lee," he eased._

"_I love you too," I replied in all seriousness. I turned my body to face his, "I really truly, love you. I can't imagine my life without you by my side. I thank the spirits every day for you. I love you," I whispered the last part, embarrassed. Sam and I usually didn't discuss our feelings. Being together just felt right, our emotions transcended words. We kissed and held hands, but our love was private. Deeper than anything else that our friends had ever known. When we exchanged "I love you", the words were usually said in jest. But I wanted him to know that I meant it every single time I said it._

"_Leah, I love you more than life itself. Without you my life would be meaningless. I was half a person before you and I will love you forever. You are my forever Leah," he finished gruffly, unused to showing so much emotion. But his words were sincere. I knew my face was red and my heart was racing a mile a minute, but no matter how much I told it to stop, it continued to thump at a furious pace. We fell into a comfortable silence, albeit the embarrassing thump of my heart, and I felt my eyelids drop as I pulled myself closer against Sam. My mind began to wander as I thought of our future together. _

_I love you Leah._

"Leah,"

At the sound of my name, I opened my eyes, the memory fading fast. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I placed my hand on top of it and looked up.

"Jacob," I said softly.

"The girls are looking for you," he started quietly as he squeezed my shoulder, "the wedding is about to start."

I took my hand off of his and smiled. It was a bitter one, but it wasn't something I could control. There were so many things that broke my heart - I had become a hardened person.

Jacob patter my shoulder awkwardly one more time. I heard his footsteps retreating but a loud squeak emitted from the boards as he stopped hesitantly. I tilted my head in his direction, curious to why he stopped.

"I'm sorry," he said kindly before walking away, leaving me in my own regrets.

"I'm sorry too," I replied, my voice barely a whisper, as tears slid down my cheeks.

A moment later I pulled myself up, dusting off my dress. I turned to the door and took a deep breath before grasping the handle. I headed back into the house and I heard a loud cacophony of foot falls approaching. Terrified that someone would see my tears , I rushed into the nearest room and closed the door softly. I held on to the doorknob as I waited for the rush of people to leave. As their raucous laughter and chatter grew fainter, I breathed a sigh of relief. I released my death grip on the doorknob, I backed away slowly from the door and turned to see the room I was in. I felt my heart drop as I realized that I had stumbled into Sam's room. It had been so long since I had been in here and I subconsciously catalogued all the changes that had happened since the last time I was there. He no longer had any posters plastered on the walls. His desk was mostly bare - devoid of all textbooks. I walked over to the wall where our picture used to be. I ran my fingers lightly over the wood before I found the minute hole that the thumbtack had made. I bit my lip as I tried to recall the picture, but the memory was hazy now.

"_Today is so beautiful," I declared happily, racing off towards the edge of the beach._

_Sam laughed as he chased after me. Today was a rarity in La Push. The sun had shone brilliantly all day, and now it dipped slowly below the horizon. The sky was smudged a variety of gorgeous reds, oranges, pinks and purples. I swung my arms apart and spun in quick circles - embracing the sunset. Sam had caught up to me, and he wrapped me in his arms. We swayed slowly to the sound of the sea._

"_The sun is almost as beautiful as you are," he remarked offhandedly._

_I mock gagged at the cheesiness of his comment. His face fell in disappointment, but I laughed while gently punching him on the shoulder. "You're too kind, but I'm just a normal girl," I told him._

"_No," he said in disagreement, "You're amazing, and perfect and I love you." All of a sudden his arms were gone. I turned around in surprise and was greeted by the most beautiful ring I had ever seen._

"_Don't freak out," Sam cautioned, "This isn't an engagement ring. It's nothing special really, but it is my promise. My promise that one day I'll buy you the most beautiful diamond in the world. My promise to love you forever."_

_He pulled the ring out and slide it onto my finger. My hand trembled and I felt an errant tear slide down my cheek._

_Sam seemed crestfallen. "That wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for," he trailed off confusedly._

_I wiped the tear away and smiled, "I'm so happy that my mind cannot even begin to comprehend it. I'm so happy." I assured him as I pulled him close and hugged him as hard as I could. He smiled in relief and pulled me in close._

_He fumbled slightly and I looked up at his face._

"_Smile." _

_And a blinding flash made me see spots._

_I want this moment to last forever._

I opened my eyes and took a moment to steady myself. That memory felt so long ago. Those were the exactly the moments that I should never remember. Suddenly the very picture that I had envisioned appeared in front of me. I turned around in surprise and saw Sam's dark impenetrable eyes staring straight at me.

I reached for the photo in silence and traced the lines on the picture with my fingertip. The picture was worn, folded over time and again, The creases were so bent and furrowed that the photo seemed decades old, and not the few years that it really was. I traced the frozen smiles and I felt the corners of my mouth curl.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked.

"It's my room," he replied with a humourless laugh.

"I'm sorry for intruding. But what I meant was, why aren't you at your wedding?" I trailed off uncertainly.

"Because of you."

I turned around, my eyes flashing. "Why do you do this? You _love_ Emily. She is your _forever_," I said bitterly, unable to keep the mocking tone out of my voice.

"This photo," he faltered, gesturing at my hand, "I never forgot."

"Don't you get it?" I said exasperatedly, "It doesn't matter if you remember or not. That's all they are. _Memories._ What can memories do for us? They cause nothing but pain. Forget the memories and move on with your life."

Sam stared at me in silence. His face was blank, but conflicting emotions warred in his dark eyes. I could feel him struggle to express the words he wanted to say in this final moment.

"Nothing you say will change anything Sam," I told him with finality, "what has happened, happened. Nothing will change the past."

"I loved you so much Leah," Sam finally managed to utter out. But to me the very words were a mockery of the painful past.

"You never loved me," I retorted, my voice cracking as tears started to fall.

"I did. Never doubt my love," Sam replied fiercely. He grabbed my wrists and stared deep into my eyes. I wrenched myself away from him and turned away.

"You may have felt something for me, but it wasn't love. What you feel for Emily, that's love. What I felt for you, is exactly the way that Emily means to you. _I _loved you, Sam. _I _believed every word you said. _I _dreamed of _our _forever."

"Lee-Lee…"

"_Don't _call me that!" I screamed at him. "You will never ever understand my pain. Don't you understand? You never lost anyone. You _found _your true love. I lost mine," I spat the words at him. I ran out of his room and out to the back of the house. He was behind me every step of the way. I turned to face him and backed away. I phased into wolf form, and he followed suit. I thought of the moment that he told me that he loved Emily. The one memory that I had tried to forget. The pack thought I was a miserable person for thinking all those terrible thoughts about the pack's dirty laundry? Those thoughts barely scratched the surface. I saw Sam buckle as the memory of my pain reached him. I phased back and stood my ground. A moment later he phased back into his human form, still on the ground.

"_That_ was the pain I felt, Sam. _That _was what you did to _me._"

Sam got up and tried to come towards me, but I backed away from him.

"I can't be with you anymore. When I see you, I feel so much pain that I want to die. Everything else in the world feels numb to me."

"If I could, I would change everything to be with you. All my promises? They were _true_. I love you so much Leah," Sam looked up at me with tormented eyes. "If I could have stopped my imprint on Emily I would've. I look at you everyday and I imagine that Emily was you. That's how I can love her. Because I pretend that she is _you._"

"Words are meaningless. You of all people should know that," I said bitterly.

"I know that this will be worthless to you, but know this," Sam said softly, "My heart will always be yours."

"Sure, Sam, whatever you say," I replied. My heart was beyond feeling now. I turned away and stared at the sea as I heard his footsteps grow fainter as he headed toward his future.


End file.
